The Age Of Ghosting
So you went on a date with this guy you just met… you had great conversation, lots of laughs and even let loose with a couple of drinks. It went amazing- or so you thought. Over the past few weeks, you are continually surprised to get radio silence from your once scintillating text thread… and when you finally get the courage to message him, he doesn’t even respond! What is up with that??
This is called ghosting. Don’t worry- if you can get to the root of the issue it’s not as spooky as it sounds!
Ghosting is when people completely stop communicating with you, stand you up, and leave your texts on read- it’s being completely ignored like nothing ever happened between the two of you.
Sounds harsh, I know.
Have you ever experienced this? You're not alone… it’s becoming more and more common in our age of technology, not to mention during quarantine. This is because it’s much easier to ignore a text than ignore someone face-to-face. So yes, it is a major cowardly move and it’s part of the dating world because many people lack courage to speak up.
The truth is courage is an attribute you want in a life partner, and in order to attract it, you need to embody it with your actions too.
In a world where there is so little accountability, it can make the world of difference to have a liaison, who checks in with both parties and keeps you accountable to your relationship goals. This is why many smart clients choose to hire a Matchmaker, who will be on their side and connect them to quality matches who want what they want. Matchmakers can also provide you with valuable feedback. For more info on their process visit Three Day Rule.
“The best investment you’ll ever make is the one you make in yourself”
-Marissa F, GRAVITAS Client, International Model, Pilot and Incredible Human Being.
We also have to acknowledge that attachment styles & beliefs will play a role in how people deal with uncomfortable situations. The person who ghosts you may have more going on, subconsciously, than you’d imagine.
Dr Seidman, PHD found that people with an avoidant attachment type (those who rarely develop close relations due to trust and dependency issues) are more likely to use ghosting to initiate a break-up because it is an indirect, easy out.
Other research from Albright College indicated that people who have the “destiny belief”- that relationships are either meant to be or not- are more likely to think ghosting is acceptable because it simply “wasn’t it”... unlike others who believe relationships take patience, time, and work.
Even if there is a deeper meaning behind the action, ghosting hurts. It’s a harsh rejection. You are often left with no answers and a lot of emotions to deal with all by yourself. Nobody out there can give you that closure and explanation you yearn for.
You may never know for sure why you were ghosted but it never hurts to just ask why.
This probably feels like the last thing you’d want to do, but it is one of the easiest ways to get out of your head and learn from it!
Asking WHY can lead to clear answers that either point things out that you have never realized about yourself OR are completely unrelated to you! Either way, it will give you insight.
The truth is that peace of mind and closure cannot be given to you- it’s up to you to find within yourself.
Remember, questioning the ghoster is an extremely mature and evolved path to take, that may leave the other person feeling uncomfortable. If they can’t answer, that’s okay. And honestly, it gives you a clear indication that they aren’t on the same level as you when it comes to communication... when you ask it is KEY to not expect an answer, and be ok with no response.
You wouldn’t want a bad communicator as a partner anyways!
Even though this can be a particularly painful experience, it’s important to maintain your self-worth throughout it all. The best thing to do, even if you don’t receive closure from the ghoster, is to refocus on YOURSELF and YOUR aspirations!
Focus on your happiness, your desires, and your future. If you are living as your highest self, you will attract your best life, and the partner who loves exactly WHO YOU ARE.
Eventually, the love you deserve will find its way to you. Trust the process and know that rejection is meant to be a part of it.