Are You In Control?
Power is a concept the operates within most of our relationships, regardless of whether we like it or not.
The person who has the power in a romantic relationship is usually the one who is less invested or less attached.
The principle of least interest explains how the person with less attachment possesses more power because they are less invested- therefore going to lose less if things fall apart and not operating based on fear (which is a repellant).
Studies have shown that men are historically more likely to use strategies that increase their power, even if they are doing it subconsciously. It’s important to note that gender inequality is a HUGE factor in this conversation, and has become an embedded part of our relationships today. We all have roles that society has expected us to play. As a man, you are told to be strong and independent. As a woman, you are told to be emotional and loyal...these traits clearly display who holds more power in a relationship!
But remember, these patterns can always change and possess a variety of factors. Societal roles are changing, and with that, so are the power dynamics. Let’s take a look at how they play out.
Power can be seen in ...
Decision making- Who is the one always choosing where to get dinner?
Resources- Who’s schedule and time are you both on? Who pays?
Social influence- Who influences the mood? Who’s energetically in charge?
All of these energetic tendencies are what create dominance and submission within a relationship. Sometimes the imbalance is blatant, while other times it can be very subtle.
Despite how common this unequal distribution of power is, finding balance is the key to a healthy relationship. That doesn’t mean you both have equal power all the time though. Power must be able to shift back and forth, with each partner considering the other one’s needs and learning how one can give the less dominant party a say.
Giving as much as you take is crucial, yet “giving” comes in many forms.
Simply put, the investment has to be equal on both sides. We all love differently, but knowing we each “got the great deal” in the partnership is key to satisfaction in the long run.
If you are aware of an imbalance of power in your relationship, that awareness alone can help you navigate towards more balance. To avoid the typical pitfalls that come from being in this power game, you might want to learn to be less attached. That doesn’t mean you don’t love deeply, but unattachment is actually a Yogi principle that means you are not going to try to control it.
Trying to control the ones we love never works out in the long run because control is an illusion. Love is risky business, and accepting that risk is part of the process. Being controlled, on the flipside, is no fun either. Nobody with good self-esteem will take it.
It’s all about the give and take. Notice what power dynamic makes you feel most comfortable- what you’ve attracted in the past or feels most familiar. See if you can step out of that and either take some of your power back or let some go. Let us know how it goes!